middle earth
i haven't run in the past 2.5 weeks, which has been largely by design. i've spent the past week in the gym, priming my body for its first run this weekend since the marathon.
i've done a bunch with the past two weeks that i don't normally do. i've gotten some house projects started. i've had some beer. i've had some ice cream. i've slept in late. i haven't given a damn about running. and i'll be the first to say it: it's been nice.
it has come at a bit of a price, however. my body has lost an ounce of its zip. i haven't been eating well, which is reflected by my daily energy level at work and elsewhere. i have been emotionally up-and-down: revelling in (my version of) gluttony one day, sulk and unmotivated the next. getting out of bed is tough--i've rediscovered the lost art of snoozing. i've had feelings come back about maria, that all of a sudden i've felt like i've made no personal progress towards moving on, that i've finally realized that my marathon training was just some alcohol to drown the body in for 11 months.
didn't i just say that "it's been nice" with this time off? hmm. i went back to my offline OHF, if you will (oak hill flyer has been around since years before route 171), and found an entry in the dec 2004 timeframe, right during the heart of my marathon training:
"you are happy on the run."
the past two weeks have been akin to frodo slipping on the ring. i've gotten a glimpse of the other side, felt its gravitation, and now have to find the will to toss my precious back from whence it came.
but wasn't that gravitation there during the marathon training as well? wasn't the demand, the schedule, driving you mad, weren't you the one wishing that training would be over, so you could regain control of your life? it sure felt at the time that life was under the grip of something else, something that was difficult to escape, where that something was nothing more than the training itself? didn't you want to sleep in on the saturday morning, stay up until 12:30 am on a weeknight? was running really an self-prescribed anesthetic to your past, masking but not correcting the issue?
in spite of the above vacillation*, i can't shake the feeling that one simply can't finish a whole marathon without doing something right. i plan to lace up for the first time this weekend.
* not to be confused with the pre-race ritual of vasilation. the prior is a description of my metaphorical existentialism. the latter just prevents crotch chafe.
i've done a bunch with the past two weeks that i don't normally do. i've gotten some house projects started. i've had some beer. i've had some ice cream. i've slept in late. i haven't given a damn about running. and i'll be the first to say it: it's been nice.
it has come at a bit of a price, however. my body has lost an ounce of its zip. i haven't been eating well, which is reflected by my daily energy level at work and elsewhere. i have been emotionally up-and-down: revelling in (my version of) gluttony one day, sulk and unmotivated the next. getting out of bed is tough--i've rediscovered the lost art of snoozing. i've had feelings come back about maria, that all of a sudden i've felt like i've made no personal progress towards moving on, that i've finally realized that my marathon training was just some alcohol to drown the body in for 11 months.
didn't i just say that "it's been nice" with this time off? hmm. i went back to my offline OHF, if you will (oak hill flyer has been around since years before route 171), and found an entry in the dec 2004 timeframe, right during the heart of my marathon training:
"you are happy on the run."
the past two weeks have been akin to frodo slipping on the ring. i've gotten a glimpse of the other side, felt its gravitation, and now have to find the will to toss my precious back from whence it came.
but wasn't that gravitation there during the marathon training as well? wasn't the demand, the schedule, driving you mad, weren't you the one wishing that training would be over, so you could regain control of your life? it sure felt at the time that life was under the grip of something else, something that was difficult to escape, where that something was nothing more than the training itself? didn't you want to sleep in on the saturday morning, stay up until 12:30 am on a weeknight? was running really an self-prescribed anesthetic to your past, masking but not correcting the issue?
in spite of the above vacillation*, i can't shake the feeling that one simply can't finish a whole marathon without doing something right. i plan to lace up for the first time this weekend.
* not to be confused with the pre-race ritual of vasilation. the prior is a description of my metaphorical existentialism. the latter just prevents crotch chafe.
Every year right around marathon minus 4-6 weeks (the holidays, usually) and then throughout the taper I imagine my post-marathon world and all the new things I'm going to do with all my free time and all the rest I'm going to get. Last year after Boston I *finally* took the golf lessons I'd told myself for years I'd take. And then by July I'd started to build my mileage base for Freescale to unprecedented volumes and running was all-consuming again. But I promised myself that after Freescale I was going to get out of the serious marathon training business. And then right after New Years I got hurt and everything unraveled and my "last serious marathon" turned into my first ever -after 16 marathons including one 86-degree Boston- DNF. So here I am again in March wondering what I'm going to do next - runningwise, that is. It's a vicious little cycle, ain't it? I *know* I'm capable of a middle ground; a *normal* ground. I hope you find yours!
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