book review: beardsley autobiography
i bought Staying the Course: A Runner's Toughest Race by Dick Beardsley 3 weeks before the marathon this year, which is to say that i bought this book 5 minutes after i found out that dick beardsley was coming to austin to speak at the runners' expo race weekend. unforunately, i was unable to read the book before the marathon, but i was fortunate enough to hear him speak the day before the marathon, which i've written about previously on OHF.
since the marathon, i've finished this book, only to discover the real story behind dick beardsley and the fragility that exists in daily life. i've always known that db had an interesting story (ran one of the greatest marathons ever; had a drug problem; bounced back)--this book filled the gaps.
the book moves very quickly, rocketing through 25 years of life in 200 pages. upon reading the book, it is clearly divided into two halves: upbringing/running salad days, and the events that brought his elite running career to a halt and ushered in drug addiction. the third half, smaller than the other two, reflect more on recovery and life as we know it today, past the elite running days, past the addiction days.
db reflects back on his youth with a touch of humor, describing how he got into running, and the coaches/experiences that kept raising his performace over the years to an elite level. from his first xc practice to hopkinton 1982, db had an extremely innocent, almost childlike approach to running: he loved it, and simply could not get enough of it. after every race, he couldn't wait for the next one. he practiced superstitions that are seemingly nothing short of embarrassing. he had pre-race anxieties, even during the elite days, that bordered on being immature. and the relationship he had with running was one he treasured. he eludes to other aspects of his youth, such as his brief stint as a college xc dropout and to entertain the thought of farming with his wife, his father's alcoholism, and his parents' dysfunctional relationship, but doesn't elaborate too much on these topics. they leave the reader wanting to know more, but they share just enough information with the reader to form a backdrop for what's to come. the focus of the first several chapters remains on running, all the way through boston 1982.
after a slip from elite status and 7 years later, the book picks back up with a string of five years that come just short of convincing the reader that db was purposefully trying to kill himself through day to day activities. a string of events, each less than 2 years apart, than consisted of two automobile accidents, a fall down a flight of stairs, a fall down the face of a small cliff, and a near-fatal experience getting caught in his tractor's power takeoff sees db living life in-and-out of the hospital, at the cost of his family and happiness. continued exposure to the painkiller percoset becomes his bane, eventually leading up to the consumption of over 90 tablets a day and a rash of prescription forging for which he eventually gets caught. the fall from grace is nothing short of disturbing, leaving the reader to believe that the person that they are reading about in the second half of the book is a completely different person than in the first half.
the third half of the book is about db's continual recovery from addiction, and how he has made life worth living after years of sobriety. he likens marathon competition to a "walk to the mailbox" compared to the holy war he had to fight against narcotics to reclaim his life back. the book ends on a positive note, db's feet firmly planted, arteries devoid of drugs, and eyes looking forward to the road ahead with all of its challenges.
takeaways that i have from reading the book:
- db is an amazingly spirited and optimistic person, both in his youth and today. i had these thoughts after seeing him in person; the book reinforced those thoughts.
- addiction rehab is a bitch--specifically, one that stays with you your entire life. i have zero room to comment on this matter, not ever having the need to be there myself, but db is pretty raw about his rehab experiences, his physical and emotional battles, and his ability to open up makes the book a very interesting read.
- the unsung persona in this book is db's wife, mary. db and mary married young (~20 years old?), and the dynamic between mary was such that db's do-everything personality and mary's never-raise-your-voice complacency made for a couple whose life completely revolved around db. it was plainly obvious that mary was getting walked all over by dick, and admission he makes later in the book, and was taking blows to the ego for years with a crumbling, stressful family life, and dick's addictions. there were times where you weren't sure to either yell at mary for putting up with this clown or club db in the head for being so selfish. quite possibly the crowning moment in the book involves db not being permitted to say a word the day mary joins db in a NA group session, where she vents 15 years of pain and frustration in a 15-minute unleashed tirade to dick, to his face, in front of a roomful of NAs. she says everything that you wanted her to say to dick, and more; the reader, at that stage in the story, feels the relief that they came to know from that day in group.
- i'm left believing two different explanations for the question of "how could this happen to a person?" the first, more humanistic in nature, is simply the fragility of life--that at a moment's notice, something can rob you of life-as-you-know-it. the book increases the reader's appreciation for that fact. the second, more practical in nature, is that unhappiness, lack-of-communication, and imbalance in the home can lead the most well-intentioned person down the darkest of paths. the accident that started it all--the power takeoff accident--was caused by stress and hurriedness in a new farm that mary wasn't happy being at. one can speculate that db's attraction to painkillers may not have been as strong if he would have had a happy home. it's merely speculation--i may never know the truth. don't let that speculation downplay the fact that db was in a very unfortunate situation with all of his accidents--many truly were lightning-strikes-twice type accidents, which kept him in the drug-induced haze for so long.
i have all the respect for db's acceptance of being human, his courage to make a difference in his life, and his family's patience and love they have for him. db's grounded, positive outlook on the road ahead is infectious. my wishes go out to this runner in hopes that every day continues to be stronger and better than the next.
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