negative splits
among other definitions, merriam-webster tells us that drive can be defined as "an impelling culturally acquired concern, interest, or longing." reasonable enough: both you and i got out of bed this morning for *some* reason. and operating under the assumption that both you and i define ourselves by more than just what we eat and excrete, the question stands: what makes us tick? what drives us to do what we must?
most all of us have a few of these "cultural acquisitions," whether it be inspiration from a family member, admiration of a higher power, or simply the pursuit of happiness. sometimes learned neuroses--fear, obsession, and the like--additionally factor, which isn't necessarily as negative as it may sound. certainly there are as many unique combinations of these drives as there are people who walk the planet.
as a function of recent events undisclosed in these writings, i have been introduced to a new driving force: hate. i was taught at an early age to avoid this state of being at all times. since living on my own, i have done everything to continue those learnings. there have been events past that give me a full license to walk that road, and i have grown from my decision not to accept.
it was but last week, however, that i was confronted with this emotion at mile six of prickly pear. four miles remaining with runner in pursuit, i needed extra fight to maintain my standing. it was there hate surfaced, available in great quantity for me to transform into physical exertion. i sampled it and felt strength, if but for just 100 meters.
surely rot i will if dare infuse my blood, mind, heart with drug. drug i never asked for, nor wanted. i turn my thoughts away, focus on the trail at hand. and i held my position through to the finish.
however, myself and several others that i have spoken with have openly admitted to having some of their best performances during their darkest times as a function of leveraging the emotions of the moment. few would argue that unleashing negativity in athletics is not a constructive form of therapy. but is there risk in the reward? could one condition oneself to desire the undesirable?
one day away from the largest 10k of the year, i am left to wonder how i will do, what will drive me to the finish.
most all of us have a few of these "cultural acquisitions," whether it be inspiration from a family member, admiration of a higher power, or simply the pursuit of happiness. sometimes learned neuroses--fear, obsession, and the like--additionally factor, which isn't necessarily as negative as it may sound. certainly there are as many unique combinations of these drives as there are people who walk the planet.
as a function of recent events undisclosed in these writings, i have been introduced to a new driving force: hate. i was taught at an early age to avoid this state of being at all times. since living on my own, i have done everything to continue those learnings. there have been events past that give me a full license to walk that road, and i have grown from my decision not to accept.
it was but last week, however, that i was confronted with this emotion at mile six of prickly pear. four miles remaining with runner in pursuit, i needed extra fight to maintain my standing. it was there hate surfaced, available in great quantity for me to transform into physical exertion. i sampled it and felt strength, if but for just 100 meters.
surely rot i will if dare infuse my blood, mind, heart with drug. drug i never asked for, nor wanted. i turn my thoughts away, focus on the trail at hand. and i held my position through to the finish.
however, myself and several others that i have spoken with have openly admitted to having some of their best performances during their darkest times as a function of leveraging the emotions of the moment. few would argue that unleashing negativity in athletics is not a constructive form of therapy. but is there risk in the reward? could one condition oneself to desire the undesirable?
one day away from the largest 10k of the year, i am left to wonder how i will do, what will drive me to the finish.
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