fatuous guilt
for all the activities that i could have gotten involved with in my life, i chose running. what a fatuous, self-absorbed pursuit.
seriously. as much as i enjoy it, it truly is a fatuous pursuit. no one benefits from it other than me, no one gets to enjoy it but me, and society doesn't reap much benefits from the time that i spend on the road. as of this month, i have spent over 1000 hours of my life running. 1000 hours. i would go as so far to estimate that over 75% of that time is spent by myself on a run, as opposed to being with friends. if one estimates that in an undergraduate's life, a student spends 25 hours a week in scheduled classroom/lab time at 16 weeks a semester, I've completed a year-and-a-half of my BS in distance running.
i can't help but have a feeling of guilt at times about this pursuit. how else could have that time been spent? teaching others? learning a new art or trade? in charity? it's as if i am this resource of bottomless energy, and i am burning it off in tomfoolery.
but there is a social network for which my efforts contribute to the fabric of. and on the occassional race, my entry fee and participation contribute to the funding or awareness-raising of a particular organization or cause. quite possibly i may have inspired someone through my energy, persistence and tenacity. maybe that person is myself, if nobody else. maybe there is justification through these reasons.
maybe there is justification in the fact that i truly believe that my ability to run is a gift--whether given to me by my parents, some unknown, or some self of mine from the past to the future--and that i am full aware of the temporalness of this gift. whether its life span last 90 days or 90 years, it is temporal. and there is a beauty in it that is akin to the beauty of humanity, temporal as that is.
or maybe justification lies in the fact that running does make me feel whole. and if any activity makes one feel complete, then that feeling needs no further justification.
seriously. as much as i enjoy it, it truly is a fatuous pursuit. no one benefits from it other than me, no one gets to enjoy it but me, and society doesn't reap much benefits from the time that i spend on the road. as of this month, i have spent over 1000 hours of my life running. 1000 hours. i would go as so far to estimate that over 75% of that time is spent by myself on a run, as opposed to being with friends. if one estimates that in an undergraduate's life, a student spends 25 hours a week in scheduled classroom/lab time at 16 weeks a semester, I've completed a year-and-a-half of my BS in distance running.
i can't help but have a feeling of guilt at times about this pursuit. how else could have that time been spent? teaching others? learning a new art or trade? in charity? it's as if i am this resource of bottomless energy, and i am burning it off in tomfoolery.
but there is a social network for which my efforts contribute to the fabric of. and on the occassional race, my entry fee and participation contribute to the funding or awareness-raising of a particular organization or cause. quite possibly i may have inspired someone through my energy, persistence and tenacity. maybe that person is myself, if nobody else. maybe there is justification through these reasons.
maybe there is justification in the fact that i truly believe that my ability to run is a gift--whether given to me by my parents, some unknown, or some self of mine from the past to the future--and that i am full aware of the temporalness of this gift. whether its life span last 90 days or 90 years, it is temporal. and there is a beauty in it that is akin to the beauty of humanity, temporal as that is.
or maybe justification lies in the fact that running does make me feel whole. and if any activity makes one feel complete, then that feeling needs no further justification.
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