Oak Hill Flyer

i've strung together a solid week of running (nothing longer than 5k) peppered with, of all things, swimming. i've gotten some pointers from steven, kauli, and a few random folks at big stacy, and kinda feel a little bit more comfortable in the water.

kauli and i went to stacy this morning for some laps... kauli brings her cap, plugs, suit, buoy, etc. i bring all of the swimming equipment that i own: goggles and running shorts. i hop in, hopeful of stringing together 12 lengths or so in the next 45 minutes.

i'll have to say, it's starting to feel a little bit more comfortable. i'm not as panicky in the water as i was before... i've learned not to exhale 100% of my lungs underwater before taking my next breath. and pools are fun.

kauli asked if i wanted to try her buoy for a lap. you shove it between your thighs, and it keeps your legs afloat without you having to kick, which means that your arms have to do a majority of the work. what have i got to lose? i tried it.

i couldn't swim straight to save my life. it wasn't strong enough to hold my legs up. and besides, it felt like i had a pillow shoved up my crotch. i hate that stupid marshmallow.

"well, so much for training tools," i thought, and went back to freestyle swimming. after another lap, a couple in the other lane that we were chatting with offered to share their flippers; they asked if i wanted to try them.

the only other time that i've worn flippers was when we went snorkeling in key west in 2004, and i had a lifejacket and snorkel at the time, so that doesn't really count. "what've i got to lose?" i ask myself again, and take the man up on his offer.

i push off of the wall flat-footed with my new webbed feet. AND I FLEW DOWN THE LENGTH OF THE POOL IN FOUR BREATHS. it was like driving a sports car! and i turned around. and i ripped through the water on the return. it felt smooth. it felt effortless. i felt free. and it almost, ALMOST, felt like the way i feel when i run.

it was lovely. i took another lap with the flippers and then retired them before i got spoiled with the power toy. nevermind that later that session i (a) tried my first flip-turn, which found me a distance away from the wall much further than my legs could reach, and (b) i cracked heads with another swimmer coming the other way (i was mostly at fault, we were both okay).

i feel like i got a taste of what swimming feels like to swimmers today.

god, all the years of my lamenting about my swimming capability. no more. simply put--that's that. this is going to be a wonderful complement to my running regime, and i look forward to the trip to the pool. suspect that with time, i can work my way up to a mile swim over the next several months.

Posted by OHF at 16:21 | Permalink | Comments

[this one is long overdue]

SUBWAY: MY DINER, MY DINNER, MY LOVER

"eat fresh" you say. hell yes, i concur! the arrows in your logo point in different directions, but all of my arrows point to your front door.

OH! your yellow plastic bench-things are like rays of sunshine that you can sit on... that must be the reason why the sandwich artists have to wear visors.

a small queue in front. not to worry... i can learn about the new york underground while i wait. i wonder what route i'll taking to gastrointestinal satisfaction this evening?

why don't you slip into something comfortable before coming closer? may i suggest that pair of sanitary plastic gloves over there? so much nicer than thundercloud... those hippies spread mayo with their bare hands, i swear.

you coffer breads of six for my selection, but you and i know that anything else but wheat is for suckers. and there it is, in your baking center... plumping.

THE TURKEY! THE CHICKEN! THE TERIYAKI! how can anyone decide?!?

and you know that i'm for real when i give you my order in the order that you like: "wheat, 12-inch, chicken breast." you don't say it, but i can see it in your eyes that you appreciate it.

then, the selection of cheese... a holy trinity for my palette. would it be so bad for you to give me two types this time?

no toasting today. oh, don't be sad... i'll toast it tomorrow, i promise.

but the real reason that i come is for your vegetables. AND DON'T GODDAMN GRAB FOR THE LETTUCE BEFORE I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT. i'd switch to italian herbs and cheese before i'd waste precious real estate with that pathetic excuse for a topping.

i tease you by only telling you one or two veggies at a time, so that you pile them high. you thought i only wanted cucumbers and carrots? so quick to judge. you didn't know that you were going to have to retrieve that knife to shut the sandwich close? if you would have known that, i bet you wouldn't have left it over on the other side of the counter, where our eyes first met. you didn't think it was humanly possible for a mouth to handle that much girth, did you? yeah, i thought you looked new.

you know i say no every time, but you never stop asking me if i want chips and drink as well. always looking out for my needs you are... don't go putting me on a pedastal now, i'm just a customer.

what? no stamps? AFTER ALL OF MY LOYALTY, THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT ME? i'm calling jared. and after that, i'm going to blimpie.

...but you know i'll be back. you know that i know that they don't have spinach. and that nobody does it better.

Posted by OHF at 21:15 | Permalink | Comments

[whoa. what is this, how you say... "oak-hill-flyer" that you speak of?]

go ahead and guess what i did this morning.

nope. try again.

nope, still wrong.

I DID A TRIATHLON. and hell hasn't frozen over. no less than the world-class 2005 anderson mill mini-triathalon [sic] (sponsored by anderson mill MUD). check in at 7:30 am at el salido pool. el salido: although with the definite article 'el,' salido is being presented as a noun, my best spanish knowledge tells me that salido translates to the past participle 'left' in english, as in 'i must have left all of my sanity at home when i decided to go run a triathlon this morning.'

i blame the anderson mill MUD for this fiasco. i've always avoided tris in the past, for a number of excuses, such as (1) they're quite expensive, (2) i don't own a bike, (3) have you seen me swim, and (4) no. really. have you ever seen me swim? well, this fine little MUD had to (1) put on a $5 triathlon, (2) right beside my friend jeff's house, who happens to own spare bikes, and (3) make the swim portion a mere 300 meters. it seemed that my excuses had run dry.

i've enjoyed running and racing for the better part of the past 14 years. i've never competed on a bicycle. i've never competed in a swim. i really can't swim. you don't understand. damn you, anderson mill MUD. if only i would have read my horoscope a priori--as pointed out to me by kauli this evening, my horoscope for the week of 15 july 05 opens with the following sentence:

Avoid water sports this week.

truth is stranger than fiction.

i played the training strategy of "do nothing, and don't think about anything until you're standing barefoot at poolside with goggles on." with that definition, i can say with confidence that the training went quite smoothly.

myself, fisher, jeremy, shellie and rebecca schlepped off to the park, fisher somehow getting us lost in the half-mile drive from rebecca's house to the park. scoping out the pool and facilities, i see one phrase painted virtually everywhere: NO RUNNING. as if i couldn't feel more disarmed at that point without my sauconys, this triathlon business seems to be nothing shy of discriminatory against my peoples.

upon registering and loosening up, the race director lined us up in order of swim capability... naturally, i shied to the back of the line. it was at this time when the director came and, one-by-one, marked our arms with a starting number on our arm. moments later, one-by-one on the RD's whistle at 10 second intervals, we headed into the pool. i've seen this process before, this process of branding and allowing entrants to enter into an area one at a time: it's what happens to cattle en route to their own slaughter. comforting.

drown, bike, run. how hard can it be? i splash into the pool with what little knowledge i have of swimming. i slip through two of the six laps with relative ease, in the middle, i let a 10 y.o. girl pass me, for she was clipping at my heels. after about two more laps, my form was shot and was resorting to the patented yavorsky side-stroke-and-gasp-for-air. at the end of the fourth lap, the girl who passed me stopped and mentioned to me: "you know, you should try a different stroke." DIFFERENT STROKE?!? honey, i've got the toolbox wide-open right in front of me, and there ain't nothing else in there at this point!

lap 5 was horrific, every gasp for air being audible by anyone in the pool area, i'm quite sure. lap 6 was near tortuous, and upon god desending down a pool ladder for me to exit the pool with, no sooner was the race director walking with me en route to my bike, talking to me in a congenial manner: "you know, we offer some great lessons here at the pool that can really help you with your breathing."

that's right: i'm tagged as the participant who needs the swimming sales pitch, and i haven't even gotten to the bike rack. lovely. please step aside ma'am, for i'm trying my best to (a) get to my bike and (b) forget about that chlorinated trauma bath that we all shared in this morning.

the bike, borrowed from my friend jeff, was small for my frame but adequate. i thought about the tour de france, which was being run that very moment i was on a bike. i'm on a bike competing at the exact same moment that lance is competing! sweet! i zip through two of the four miles with ease, and upon shifting to the big front plate for a downhill stretch, of all things my chain pops! bah! up on the curb with the bike upside-down, i fix the chain while a handful of bikers pass me, including the 10 y.o. girl. i hop on the bike and speed past them all, only to have the chain pop again! no! bike upside-down, the 10 y.o. passes me yet again and suggests: "you know, you should really try different gears."

dear lord, deliver me from this ill-fated morning! and while you're at it, tell that girl to replace her suggestions with cream pies thrown into my face, for it would feel less insulting!

i rack the bike. ah... the run! my home at last! it's too bad that (a) i don't know which way to go, and (b) neither do the 5-10 people surrounding me! i shout to the masses and they reply. aside from having this feeling of trying to run with a bicycle seat jammed up my backside, the run went well. i was fatigued, cursing the previous festivities of the pool the entire way.

i lived. i didn't finish last. and by definition, i set a 300m swim PR, a 4 mile bike PR, and a 300m/4mi/1mi tri PR all before breakfast. and they're doing this again in september. let's roll the numbers:

july 2005 anderson mill mini-triathalon (sic)

* 8:11 (300m swim)
* 2:15 (T1)
* 15:40 (4 mile bike)
* 0:41 (T2)
* 6:13 (0.9mi run)
=====================
30:45 -- 15th of 27 participants

as a final slap-in-the-face, look at what i got in my inbox the next day:

From: Transparent Language
Date: Jul 17, 2005 4:23 AM
Subject: Word of the Day :: Transparent.com ::
To: rich@alumni.cmu.edu

Word of the Day - Spanish
July 17, 2005
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Spanish: nadar
English: swim

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Example Phrase Using Today's Word:

Spanish: No puede nadar.
English: He can't swim.

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THIS FREE WORD OF THE DAY
is brought to you by:

Transparent Language, Inc.
http://www.transparent.com
"The Language Community on the Internet"
info@transparent.com
===========================================================

Posted by OHF at 21:47 | Permalink | Comments